My Name is Twinkie
by Rowi
Summary: Link is rejected by Zelda, once again, and hits a bar. Literally. He runs right into it. RR please!


Title: My Name is Twinkie  
  
Author: Rowi  
  
Summary: Link is rejected by Zelda (once again) and hits a bar. Literally. He runs right into it. R+R please!!! C'mon, doesn't the title get you curious a little?  
  
Genre: Humor  
  
Rating: PG for drunken-ness and pure stupidity.  
  
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Super Smash Brothers or the Legend of Zelda, or anything of any importance whatsoever. So don't sue me. There's no point. All you'd get was some gum wrappers and belly button lint.  
  
Also: I had this fic and several others posted briefly under my friend Fireyone233's account because my computer was having problems and I couldn't do it myself. So, of course, shortly after I finished uploading them and sterted getting reviews, my computer decides to work again. So, I put all my fics up again under my screen name and lost all my reviews. It so sucks, but I'm sure I'll get more, RIGHT? Thanks to all those who gave me reviews before, and if you feel like it, write me another one. ^.^  
  
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"NO LINK, I WILL NOT GO OUT WITH YOU SO STOP ANNOYING ME!!!"  
  
Zelda slammed the door shut in Link's face and about six feet of snow fell on his head, completely burying the poor guy.  
  
"Pika! Pika pika pi chuuuu!" (translation: Man! You didn't even say anything and she rejected you! Ha ha!)  
  
"What?!" could be heard from somewhere inside the newly created snowdrift, and although Pikachu clearly repeated what he had said, Link still couldn't understand a word it was saying. Finally, Link just yelled, "I don't give a crap about what you're saying, just help dig me out of here, you stupid yellow rat!"  
  
Pikachu repeatedly thundershocked the snow until it melted, revealing a severely depressed and badly electrocuted Link.  
  
"Let's just go." Link muttered.  
  
They wandered aimlessly until they ended up in East Clock Town. Link was making his way past the Stock Pot Inn when he ran into something hard and solid. Oops, that was the wall. Oh well, he thought as he walked through the door of the Milk Bar. He sat on one of the cushy red stools and sulked until the bartender came over and said, "Aren't you a bit young to be in here sonny?"  
  
"Huh?" Link mumbled. He had been immersed in a daydream having something to do with giant mousetraps and tying rats to traintracks.  
  
"I said that you're too young to be in here!" the bartender said a bit louder.  
  
"DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO I AM?!?" Link bellowed, "I JUST SAVED THIS RUDDY TOWN FROM GETTING SMUSHED BY THE MOON TWO FREAKING DAYS AGO!!!"  
  
"Fine, be that way." The bartender sighed, "What'll it be?"  
  
"Umm. what that guy's having." He pointed to a smelly dude a few stools down who had just fallen off his chair.  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Well, okay."  
  
The bartender disappeared behind the bar for a second and came back with a purple drink that smells like gasoline. Link downed it in one gulp and toppled off his chair, cracking his head on the hard stone floor.  
  
"I'll ::hic:: have anuzzer one of doze." Link told a nearby chair.  
  
"As long as you can pay for it, buster." The bartender shrugged and held out his hand, expecting payment.  
  
"Pi pika chu!" Pikachu gave the bartender Link's wallet, spilling Rupees all over the place.  
  
"Geez, he's got enough for about fifty more!" The bartender looked at Link, grinning, "You can have as many Nuclear Waste Daiquiris as you want!"  
  
"Yippy skippy." Link murmured. He ordered a few more which mostly ended up slopped all over the floor, and then, as he was trying to get up, he finally passed out.  
  
"PIII-KAAA-CHUUUU!!!" Pikachu zapped him and woke him up, although badly singing his tights in the process.  
  
"Owee! Me lucky charms!" Link yelled, causing Mario and Peach to nearly pee their pants with laughter (they had just walked in the door). Link stumbled over to where Peach and sat doen right next to her.  
  
"::hic:: 'sup Apricot." Link called.  
  
Peach giggled and Mario mumbled "Mama mia." under his breath, smacking himself in the forehead. Link made another stab at conversation.  
  
"My name is Twinkie." He belched loudly. "I have a nostril disease."  
  
Peach was giggling uncontrollably by now, but Mario was clearly extremely exasperated.  
  
"A-get a-outta me sight, you a-stoned a-moron!" he yelled at Link.  
  
Mario kicked him out of the door, and Link hit the ground so hard that it caused another six feet of snow to fall on his head from the awning above the door.  
  
"Owee."  
  
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So, you like? This is my first Link fic, as well as my first fic not written in script form. I hope it doesn't suck too bad. So, umm. review please? PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE! 


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